The Magic Waiting for you Outside of your Comfort Zone

I think most people have seen an inspirational post or message that suggests that growth and change happen outside of our comfort zone. Do we really have to get out of our comfort zone to realize our goals and dreams?  I’ve come to believe that yes, the magic that you are looking for in your life is outside of your comfort zone. But, if you are getting stressed just thinking about this, you can rest easy, we don’t need to abandon our comfort zone, it can serve a great purpose, but we do need to get comfortable operating outside of those walls.

·         First, know what and where your comfort zone is.

It’s easy to assume just doing new things qualifies as getting out of the comfort zone. But don’t fool yourself! The adventurers and extroverts in the world are totally comfortable in novel situations and can waste a lot of time and energy seeking out unique, new experiences that might be fun or interesting but aren’t necessarily getting you out of your comfort zone.

The key, then, to recognizing the boundaries of your comfort zone lies in your feelings. If you don’t get that “ick” feeling closely followed by a ton of resistance to doing something, then whatever you are contemplating is in your comfort zone. Yes, it’s those UNcomfortable feelings that are the sure sign you have reached the boundary of your comfort zone.

We all have our own comfort zone “boundaries” that we have created for ourselves. When we’re in the comfort zone, life is predictable, and stress is manageable. It might be a night on a couch, tacos every Tuesday, or the loungewear that is always comfortable. Maybe it’s being in a certain role at work or connecting with certain types of people. Every person’s comfort zone is unique, and it changes over time so being in touch with your feelings and developing self-awareness are key to knowing your comfort zone boundaries.

Here’s the good news though, the comfort zone isn’t necessarily a bad place, on the contrary, it’s nice to have! The problem arises when we can’t get out of our comfort zones. One of the first shifts I have made to better understand the comfort zone is to understand its purpose.  It’s not a destination that we should stay in, I like to think of it as a rest stop on a long journey.  I have so many things I want to accomplish but if I always stay in my comfort zone I’m not moving forward and creating my dream life. If I think of my comfort zone as a rest stop on my journey that is there for me when I need a break, it can become a helpful tool in my arsenal.

·         Second, have your “why” for getting out of the comfort zone.

Why not just stay in your comfort zone, after all it does sound pretty comfortable. But, if you’re reading this, you are likely trying to make some changes in your life, and changes for the better. What are you hoping to achieve? Are you wanting to grow your business, make a new relationship, break a habit that is holding you back? When you have a clear destination, it is much easier to plan your journey.

Where will you be and what will happen if you get outside of your comfort zone. Be specific and write down your goals and dreams. Make sure you can visualize yourself in that place. Look for motivation and inspiration to guide you. What do people who are doing what you want to be doing look like? What do those people do with their time? What will you look like when you reach that goal? What will you look like on the way? We can all picture ourselves 20 pounds lighter in a great outfit, but can you also picture yourself making a healthy dinner with friends, walking, or doing activities that will support your health goals?

·         Third, learn to reframe your thoughts….

Anxiety and all negative states originate from our thoughts. Whatever we think creates a feeling and then an action. If I see an invitation to a networking event, my first thought might be, “it’s awful going somewhere by myself” which is quickly followed by, “it’s embarrassing to stand by myself in a group where others know each other” and “I’m awkward at starting conversations” Unsurprisingly, I am going to very likely have a negative feeling about that event and not want to go in less time than it takes me to click delete on the invitation to the networking event.

One of the most powerful skills you can learn is to reframe your thoughts and to do that you need to give yourself a little time between the thoughts and the actions. So, for example, if I see an email about a networking event, and delete it immediately (after all those negative thoughts rushed in). I never have a chance to look at the situation from any other angle. If I give myself some time, I can usually come up with some alternative ways to look at the situation and then have a better idea of how I can respond in a way that is aligned with my goals. A reframed thought might look like, “It might feel awkward at first, but I usually find someone I can chat with” or “It might be embarrassing to stand alone but if I don’t like it, I probably won’t see any of those people again so why not try and see what it is really like?” Reframed thoughts reduce the anxiety that often holds us back or keeps us stuck in the comfort zone.

·         Fourth, give yourself time to push the comfort zone boundaries outwards.

Maybe jumping into a networking event isn’t going to be a realistic place to start. Any goal, no matter how big, can be broken down into smaller manageable parts. Focus your energy on the smaller goals until you are ready to tackle larger goals.

For example, If I am not comfortable with going into a large group of unfamiliar people, I might need to first start practicing interacting with strangers. I can take a small amount of time and set a goal to interact with strangers every day.  For example, make sure at least once a day for a month you go somewhere public where you can interact with a stranger. Say hi to the person behind you in line at the grocery store. Visit a library and talk to the librarian, say hi and wave to a neighbor you don’t know on a walk around your neighborhood. Try to increase your interactions as the weeks go on, for example, you might say hi to your neighbor on the walk and then follow up and comment on the weather or ask them about their outfit or dog or some other thing you notice. Compliments go a long way in paving the way for small talk as well, “I really like that windbreaker you have on, nice and bright!” Any interactions you initiate are building your muscle for being in unfamiliar social situations and pushing the boundaries of that comfort zone. The actions we do in life create powerful feedback for the brain. When the negative thought about going to a networking event pops in the brain will have new information to challenge the negative thoughts.

There is magic and freedom outside of the comfort zone to create and grow and there is often self-care and peace inside the comfort zone. Visualize yourself in either space thriving and living your best life and you will see the growth and change flow more effortlessly than you ever have before.